Boundaries

The concept of boundaries is not new, but I have learned that everyone defines them differently.

So, here’s my framework around ‘em, and where they fit in

I created the graphics below to demonstrate the energetics of integrity preservation, which requires boundaries around our time, energy, and space in order to prioritize our values.

In any season, this framework sets the tone for the work I offer. With interest in moving from a resourced place, we must start with acknowledging the present moment (or the season, in this case) and determine what we need to be able to show up in ways that honor our integrity, dignity, and agency. 

We start with needs based on personal values, and where you prefer to spend your energy, time, and space in order to maintain the integrity of your whole self.

Enter external demands that we all have in this reality. Think of this as elements and sources that take energy without also providing resources for your personal integrity. This is the stuff that feels like expectations created by an outside source that you have to engage with.

Zooming out, we find a larger reality that takes so much of our resources, including energy, as they are very real threats to our community and personal well-being. Systems in these categories are also responsible for most, if not all, of our limitations, including shame. While there’s not a lot we can do as an individual at this level, it is crucial that we acknowledge that much of our understanding of reality is shaped by norms that come from said oppressive systems.

Scaling back in, we look at manageable boundaries. The stuff we can potentially control in order to maintain our integrity. We pull in our energy, allocate time limits, and decide where in our calendar to participate in certain demands. Note: this is not rule-making, this is negotiation around how multiple parties can show up best with the interest of their personal integrity.

Finally, we can’t do it alone. In order to keep going, we need to ask for support from our network. We must reach out and receive resources that feed our ability to continue to manage everything this life brings.

Y’all, as with anything, we all have different lived experiences, abilities, needs, expectations, and resources. This, of course, will look different for each individual. Move the bubbles around, add and subtract your own categories.

I mostly hope this is a helpful reframe, especially as we move through seasons where many of us need to reevaluate our needs to keep our integrity, so we can keep showing up as the person we strive to be with the people that matter most.